As an exclusive member of Kids' Sports Psychology, you can email sports parenting or coaching questions to Dr. Cohn and Lisa Cohn and get their answers or you can read other questions from parents of coaches and answers. Below is a sample.

Hockey Parent:

My son is a 7-year-old boy who is very talented in hockey. He plays in a traveling team and he is one of the top scorers in the league. He is extremely fast on his skates, stick handles very well, and has a burning desire to score. Because he is talented, the other team tries to slow him down and sometimes he gets hurt and discouraged. He is often told that he scores too much by his peers even in other sports like soccer and Lacrosse, where he is one of the top scorers as well. As a result of being discouraged, he barely moves on the ice and decides he's doing nothing that requires any effort. He is not consistent from game to game. If he sees an opportunity for a break away, then he tries but nothing else. My question is, as parents, we don't know what to say or do. We know the talent he has is far greater than what he delivers. How do we motivate our child to have more heart and be mentally stronger?

Experts' Response:

We think you should discuss the advantages and disadvantages of being a starting player on the team. As a star and high scorer, the other teams will try to knock him off his game and do what they can to win. He has to learn that this is part of being a good player and part of sports.

We think this case is more about confidence and mental toughness than about motivation. Why? Because he loses motivation or drive to be competitive for fear of being singled out by the opposing team and even getting hurt. Thus, his fear is more about what will happen if he stands out as a star on the team.

He needs to get beyond the fear of being "slowed down" by the opposing team. You might suggest that he looks at this as a challenge to help him become a better athlete, instead of a problem he must overcome. This means he has to work harder at becoming even faster and a better stick handler.

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