How do you Deal with Disappointment as an Athlete
Summary: Disappointment is unavoidable in sports, but how young athletes handle it determines their growth. When kids let disappointment linger, it drains confidence, motivation, and focus. The key is to process the setback, identify lessons, and apply them in future practices and competitions.
Disappointment comes in all shapes and sizes for young athletes. They may experience losses, underperform in a competition, have reduced playing minutes, fall short of a personal best or fail to make a cut for a championship meet. Help your athletes to cope with disappointment.
Every athlete in every sport experiences their share of disappointment. When sports kids allow disappointment to fester inside, it stirs up negative emotions, lowers confidence, depletes their mental energy and decreases their motivation.
You can think of disappointment as an overstuffed suitcase. When kids carry that weight around every time they go to practice, games, and competitions, it will wear them down. The more they think about a loss, mistake, missed shot or falling short of a goal, the heavier the weight becomes, impeding the growth of the young athlete.
The key to handling disappointment is to unpack the event. In other words, kids need to process what happened and what they can do differently in similar circumstances, then work on that aspect of their game so they are prepared for competitive situations in the future.
Handling disappointment is freeing and gives kids the confidence, focus and motivation to take their game to the next level.
Disappointment may hit kids hard, but it doesn’t have to knock and hold them down. Successful athletes all have one thing in common: the ability to handle disappointment, learn from it and improve because of it.
The U.S. Women’s National Team suffered its first loss in the era of coach Emma Hayes. Japan defeated the U.S. soccer squad 2-1 to win the SheBelieves Cup title.
The U.S. team had won the five previous SheBelieves Cup titles and was battling for the sixth in a row. In the end, the team made costly mistakes, had too many turnovers and struggled to consistently finish when on the offense.
After the game, Hayes talked about disappointment and the process of moving forward.
“It’s OK to be disappointed. I told the players that,” said Hayes. “It’s really important to remember moments like this and the learnings that we take from it, and I look forward to the next opportunity we’re together to build on some of that progress and learn the most important things when you play a top-class opponent. I’d rather do that now than much later.”
As Hayes pointed out, setbacks are a part of the learning and improvement process and necessary for an individual or team to reach their potential.
Of course, a tough loss is disappointing, and feeling those emotions is normal.
However, at some point, kids need to choose: Are they going to allow this loss or mistake to defeat them or will they take ownership of their part and use this experience to improve their game?
Disappointment is an opportunity in disguise. Kids need to look for the lesson, then do the work to improve their game.
The key to getting over and to cope with disappointment is to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
Sports kids should not react passively and allow disappointment to dominate their mindset. When they take an active approach to handling disappointment, a potential negative becomes a positive.
Coping With Dissappointment
1. Teach athletes to process disappointment quickly
Young athletes should unpack setbacks instead of carrying them forward. By identifying what went wrong and how to adjust, they turn mistakes into growth opportunities that fuel long-term confidence.
2. Focus on lessons, not losses
Every missed shot or tough defeat holds a learning point. Encourage kids to view disappointment as feedback for improvement, which strengthens resilience and keeps motivation high.
3. Take ownership of performance
Help athletes understand their role in outcomes. When they accept responsibility and commit to improvement, disappointment becomes a driver for building mental toughness and better results.
4. Turn disappointment into action
The best way to handle setbacks is to act on them. Whether it’s extra practice, refining a skill, or working on focus, consistent action transforms disappointment into progress and confidence.
Related Kids Sports Psychology Articles:
- Five Tips for Helping Kids Deal with Disappointment after Making Mistakes
- Helping Young Athletes with Coaches Who Yell
- Are Losses Devastating or Motivating for Your Athletes?
THE COMPOSED SPORTS KID (DIGITAL DOWNLOAD)
“The Composed Sports Kid” audio and workbook digital download program for young athletes and their parents or coach helps kids cope with frustration and anger in sports. Help your sports kids learn how to manage expectations and let go of mistakes so they can keep their head in the game.
“Thank you for the Composed Sports Kid online series you have put together. After going through your weekly course mid-season, we did see marked improvement in his enjoyment of the sport. I also wanted to tell you how helpful the course was for me being a parent and being completely lost on how to help a highly competitive, sensitive, and emotional kid. The mini goals altered his focus and helped him to be more emotionally level and he will continue to use them going forward.”
~ Ralph Fleck, Sports Parent
Cope with Disappointment in Sports
FAQ: How Young Athletes Can Cope with Disappointment
Q: Why do young athletes feel disappointed in sports?
A: Disappointment can come from losses, mistakes, reduced playing time, or falling short of goals. These experiences are normal and happen to every athlete.
Q: How does holding onto disappointment affect performance?
A: Carrying disappointment drains mental energy, lowers confidence, and decreases motivation. It can interfere with focus and growth if not addressed.
Q: How can athletes cope with disappointment effectively?
A: Athletes should unpack the event, identify lessons, and work on improving their skills. Processing setbacks quickly allows them to cope with disappointment while maintaining focus and confidence.
Q: How can athletes turn disappointment into a positive?
A: By taking ownership of their performance and responding with action, such as extra practice or refining skills, athletes convert setbacks into growth opportunities.
Q: Why is learning from disappointment important?
A: Handling disappointment builds resilience, strengthens confidence, and helps young athletes improve steadily, preparing them for higher levels of competition.
Kids Sports Psychology expert Patrick Cohn, Ph.D. has helped athletes for over 35 years to enhance their performance. Dr. Cohn earned a master’s degree in sports psychology from CSUF and a Ph.D. from the University of Virginia, specializing in Applied Sports Psychology. Today, he is the president and founder of Peak Performance Sports, LLC in Orlando, Florida.