What to do When Your Athletes Isn’t Self-Motivated
Summary: Parents play a major role in shaping how motivated kids feel about sports. Children who are self-motivated athletes stay in sports longer and enjoy the experience more, while kids who only play to satisfy parents often quit under pressure. You can help your child by encouraging them to set their own goals, understanding what excites them about sports, and avoiding too much focus on trophies or external rewards.
Sports parents often face the dilemma of how to motivate their children. Should sports parents have to motive children to participate? Or should sports kids be purely self-motivated?
What is self-motivation? Kids who are self-motivated athletes engage in sports for the pure enjoyment of the activity. They do not need rewards to participate.
Many kids are only motivated by their parents to play. When children are only motivated to participate in sports by their parents, they participate to gain respect or impress parents. They don’t want to disappoint them.
Parents can be a strong motivator for kids in sports as long as they use the right type of motivation. Your best option is to help you kids be self-motivated athletes. They’ll likely be more committed to sports over time.
How You Can Help As a Parent
If your kids have a genuine passion for the game, they will most likely stay involved longer. You do not want your kids to be motivated to satisfy you. Kids who are motivated by their parents may drop out of sports because they feel that they can’t perform up to their parents’ expectations or feel too much pressure.
Parents should ask young athletes to set their own goals. Parents can set their own goals for their children, but your children will not necessarily adhere to them. Your goals may not be your child’s goals. When athletes set their own goals, they take “ownership.” They will be more likely to commit to their own goals than the goals you give them.
Sports psychology research indicates that external rewards such as trophies, medals or money can undermine self-motivation. Athletes learn to play for the external rewards. If you motivate kids this way, then you remove those external rewards, kids can become less motivated.
Parents should know what motivates their children in sports. Do your kids participate in sports to be with friends, be part of a group, for the competition or to gain social support? The key to motivating young athletes is to tap into what excites them about playing and performing For example, if an athlete enjoys sports because it provides friendship, parents should find experiences that would support this need.
Parents should also model enthusiasm about sports to improve kids’ motivation. Your enthusiasm is contagious! You can do this by showing interest. Ask your kids about practice, for example. Be supportive during games, or simply smile and cheer.
As one option, parents can create a commitment contract to help motivate their kids. A commitment contract is a written statement or series of statements that kids promise to follow. These statements can identify your children’s personal or practice goals. Parents and kids together can create statements for the contract. The parent and child sign the contract. The contract can be placed where children see it–a bedroom or kitchen, for example–so they are reminded of their goals each day.
What are the positive effects of a commitment contract? First of all, kids focus on what’s important. Goals can help them focus on improving their skills. In addition, a commitment contract can enhance kids’ enthusiasm for sports. Parents who are involved and interested can help their kids feel motivated.
However, if you and your child do sign a commitment contract, be sure that you don’t forget about it. If you do, your child may feel you don’t have much enthusiasm about his or her participation in sports. Don’t let your children forget about commitment contracts, either. This might hurt their focus or excitement about practices or games. And be flexible. The contract may need to be changed to meet your child’s changing needs.
1. Encourage Self-Motivation in Young Athletes
Help your kids play sports because they enjoy the game, not just to please you. Children who are self-motivated athletes are more likely to stay committed and continue playing sports long term.
2. Let Kids Set Their Own Sports Goals
Allow young athletes to set personal goals instead of pushing your own expectations. When kids take ownership of their goals, they feel more responsible and motivated to achieve them.
3. Avoid Overusing External Rewards in Sports
Trophies, medals, and prizes can reduce a child’s internal motivation. Focus on effort, improvement, and enjoyment rather than external rewards to keep motivation strong.
4. Understand What Motivates Your Child in Sports
Find out whether your child enjoys sports for fun, friendship, competition, or social support. Support their unique reasons for playing so they stay excited about being an athlete.
5. Model Enthusiasm as a Sports Parent
Show genuine interest in your child’s practices and games. Smile, cheer, and ask about their experiences. Your energy and encouragement can inspire their motivation.
6. Use a Commitment Contract to Build Motivation
Work with your child to create a written commitment contract with personal goals. Place it somewhere visible at home to remind them daily. Review and adjust the contract as their needs change to keep them focused.
Related Sports Psychology Articles
- Give Sports Kids Tanglible Goals
- How Impatience in Youth Sports Leads to Burnout
- Tips for Improving Competitiveness in Sports
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FAQ: Self-Motivated Athletes
Q: Should parents motivate their kids to play sports?
A: Parents should guide and support, but kids need to develop self-motivation. Self-motivated athletes enjoy sports more and tend to stay involved longer.
Q: What is self-motivation in youth sports?
A: Self-motivation is when kids play sports because they enjoy the game itself. They don’t rely on rewards or pressure from parents to participate.
Q: Do rewards like trophies and medals help kids stay motivated?
A: External rewards can reduce self-motivation. Kids may start playing only for the reward, and when rewards stop, motivation often fades.
Q: How can parents encourage motivation without pressure?
A: Ask kids to set their own goals, show interest in their activities, and support their enjoyment. Avoid making performance or success the main focus.
Q: What role does a commitment contract play in motivation?
A: A commitment contract helps kids focus on personal goals and responsibilities. When used correctly and updated as needed, it strengthens motivation and enthusiasm.
Q: Why is parental enthusiasm important in kids’ sports?
A: Kids mirror their parents’ attitude. Smiling, cheering, and asking about practices show support, which boosts a child’s motivation and confidence.
Kids Sports Psychology expert Patrick Cohn, Ph.D. has helped athletes for over 35 years to enhance their performance. Dr. Cohn earned a master’s degree in sports psychology from CSUF and a Ph.D. from the University of Virginia, specializing in Applied Sports Psychology. Today, he is the president and founder of Peak Performance Sports, LLC in Orlando, Florida.