The Effects of Sideline Coaching
Summary: This article explores the common issue of parents becoming overly involved in their children’s sports, often by coaching from the sidelines or pushing their own goals onto their kids. It tells the story of Sue Mak, a youth soccer coach and parent, who realized her sideline yelling embarrassed her son and undermined his experience.
Too often well-meaning parents live through their children and expect their kids to take on their own dreams and goals. As a youth soccer coach in Portland, Ore., Sue Mak confesses that she found herself too emotionally involved at times in her son’s athletic experience. She often yelled if her son was in danger or if referees failed to watch for fouls, she says.
“If someone would jump on my son, I would say, ‘Open your eyes. You almost killed my kid.’ If I saw a kid fouling another player, I would yell, ‘Ref, watch what’s going on!’ “
When Mak’s son, Justin, was about 12, he told her that she embarrassed him when she challenged referees’ calls.
“I realized I was overzealous, so I tried to tone it down. I tried to back off,” she says. “I tried to find a way to still be involved in the game but to be a real positive part of the excitement,” Mak says.
Parents, like Mak, must learn to strike a delicate balance between being overly involved in their kids’s sports activities and not showing enough interest in their athletics.
Coaching From the Sidelines: A Common Parental Error
Too often, well-meaning parents live through their children and expect their kids to take on their own dreams and goals. They evaluate their child’s success or failure based on his or her performance–not his or her happiness. They are overly critical. And, like Mak, coach too much from the sidelines.
Says Lauren, a 12-year-old who plays soccer, Lacrosse, basketball and tennis in Portland, “The major problem affecting my confidence is my parents. Dad’s cheering embarrasses me. Just before I shoot in soccer, he yells, ‘Pull the trigger!” It’s so awful.”
Rather than expressing enthusiasm by sideline coaching and criticizing, parents need to take a step back. Try to understand why your child takes part in sports. Does he or she play to be with friends? Does your child play because she loves to be part of a team? Or does she enjoy competition?
Once you understand your child’s motivations, try to support his or her interests. Ensure he or she has the opportunity to spend time with teammates, to feel like part of a team, and to have fun.
Being supportive also means letting children lead.
Kids who excel in sports are those who are passionate about it. And their drive comes from within–not from their parents. They’ll beg you to bat balls in your front yard with them, to rebound while they shoot baskets and to kick a ball in the neighborhood park. You don’t ever have to nudge these kids into practicing.
You’ll also help your children enjoy sports by telling them they’re doing a great job–whether they win or lose. Keep the focus off performance. Concentrate on fun, enjoyment, laughs!
It’s also important to attend kids’ games, whenever possible. Cheer them on without pressuring them. Try to be supportive of coaches, referees and umpires. It’s important to set a good example–even if you don’t always agree with the coach, referee or umpire.
As Mak says, “Good sports parents realize this sport is a tool to teach your child about life.”
Sideline Coaching: Striking A Balance As a rookie soccer coach 20 years ago, Mak struggled to find a balance in how she gave feedback to her team. After experimenting with a number of styles, she discovered that children benefit most if they receive mainly positive feedback. Her job, she decided, was to be a master cheerleader.
If you, too, learn how to be a master cheerleader, your children will experience many benefits. They’ll have more fun, learn important life lessons, and likely stay involved in sports for a long time. Remember, 75 percent of kids drop out of sports by the time they are 13. That’s because they’re no longer having fun!
5 Tips for Parents to Avoid Sideline Coaching
1. Avoid Living Through Your Child’s Athletic Experience
Support your child’s goals, not your own unfulfilled dreams. Let their passion, not your expectations, drive their sports journey.
2. Don’t Coach from the Sidelines
Yelling instructions or criticizing during games can embarrass your child and damage their confidence. Instead, observe quietly and cheer positively.
3. Understand Your Child’s Motivation
Ask why they play sports—is it for fun, friendship, or competition? Support their reasons, not just their performance.
4. Be a Master Cheerleader
Offer mostly positive feedback. Celebrate effort over outcome, and help your child enjoy the game, win or lose.
5. Set a Positive Example
Respect coaches, referees, and opponents. Your behavior teaches kids how to handle both success and setbacks with grace.
Related Sports Psychology Articles
- Leave Coaching your Athletes to the Coach
- How to Develop Your Youth Coaching Philosophy
- How Toxic Sports Cultures Hurt Kids’ Mental Health
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The Confident Sports Kid
When kids lack confidence, they doubt themselves, stop taking risks, play tentatively, and are hard on themselves. As a result, kids often lose their motivation to improve. Ultimately, these barriers keep them from enjoying sports and making the most of their physical talent.
“The Confident Sports Kid” program is actually two programs: one that teaches sports parents how to boost their kids’ confidence, and another that teaches young athletes age 8 to 18 how to improve their self talk, avoid negative thinking, overcome expectations that limit confidence, and much more. The program will help kids boost their confidence in sports and life…and enjoy sports more.
FAQ: Supporting Your Child in Youth Sports Without Overstepping
Q: Why is it important for parents to avoid sideline coaching?
A: Sideline Coaching can embarrass kids and negatively impact their confidence. It also creates confusion if the advice contradicts the coach’s instructions. Children need space to enjoy the game, make mistakes, and learn independently.
Q: How can I show support for my child without becoming too involved?
A: Support your child by attending games, cheering positively, and avoiding criticism or over-analysis of their performance. Focus on their effort, enjoyment, and growth, rather than just results or winning.
Q: What should I do if my child says I’m embarrassing them during games?
A: Listen openly and take their feedback seriously. Like the example in the article, be willing to reflect on your behavior and make adjustments. Your child will appreciate your willingness to change.
Q: How can I help my child stay motivated in sports?
A: Let motivation come from your child, not from you. Support their interests, provide opportunities for practice if they ask, and encourage them to play for fun, friendship, and personal growth.
Q: Why do so many kids quit sports by age 13?
A: A major reason is that they stop having fun. Overly critical or high-pressure environments can make sports feel like a job rather than an enjoyable activity. Keeping the focus on fun and positivity can help kids stay involved longer.
The Top Dangers of Sideline Coaching
Kids Sports Psychology expert Patrick Cohn, Ph.D. has helped athletes for over 35 years to enhance their performance. Dr. Cohn earned a master’s degree in sports psychology from CSUF and a Ph.D. from the University of Virginia, specializing in Applied Sports Psychology. Today, he is the president and founder of Peak Performance Sports, LLC in Orlando, Florida.