How to Help Your Sports Kid Achieve Their Goals
Summary: Many young athletes struggle to stay committed and follow through on goals when their parents’ goals differ from their own. The key is helping kids identify their own athletic goals and supporting them in a way that encourages growth without pressure. Rather than pushing long-term dreams like scholarships, parents should guide kids in setting short-term, realistic goals and adjusting them as needed.
Too often, sports parents set goals for their kids that are different than the kids’ goals, says Dony Wilcher, a popular basketball coach and program director for Showtime Athletics, a youth sports organization in Portland, Ore. It’s important to help sports kids identify their own goals, then help them follow through on them, he says.
“I had one parent who wanted the world for his child. He went out of his way to get him the right shoes and send him to the best camps. At the end of it all, he was perplexed that the kid was not a superstar. In some cases, kids will veer away from the sport altogether if the parents’ goals are different than theirs,” says Wilcher, a former Division I basketball player.
At first, most kids generally want to play sports to have fun and be with friends. At that point, that’s their goal, and it’s not necessary to set goals with them. When they begin to be competitive–when they play in tournaments or join competitive teams–it’s time to begin talking about their goals. For some children, this might be as young as 7 or 8–if they display unusual talent and motivation. For example, we worked with one 8-year-old motocross racer who spent four hours a day training. It would be appropriate to talk about goals with a child like this.
When you’re talking with your young athlete, begin with a broad, open-ended question.
“What I would do is sit down with a child and say, ‘What is it that you want to do?’ Then ask your child to sit down with a coach or trainer to figure out what the child needs to do to achieve his or her goal,” Wilcher says. “Start with a larger goal and work your way down.”
If, for example. your child’s goal is to try out for and make his or her high school basketball team, that’s the long-term goal. Ask the child what he or she needs to do to make the team. Evaluate his or her skills in dribbling, free-throw shooting, and defense, for example.
Try to de-emphasize the long-term goal of making the team. When young athletes are too preoccupied with making the team, they may impose too many expectations on themselves and undermine their confidence. Instead, parents should help young athletes identify smaller, shorter-term goals, such as improving their free-throw shooting.
Once you’ve helped your young athletes identify their goals, it’s your job to help them aim toward them. The parents, coaches and athletes need to work as a team. Parents should support their kids by driving them to practices, cheering them on, and finding ways to ensure they are able to follow through on their commitments.
However, it’s critical to be flexible. Parents should help kids modify their goals on a weekly or monthly basis.
Parents should be sure to separate their goals and dreams from their child’s. As Wilcher says, “If you’re pushing them to get a scholarship to pay for college, they’ll feel it. That’s pressure–not goal-setting.”
Dr. Patrick Cohn and Lisa Cohn are founders of The Ultimate Sports Parent. Listen to their radio show, download their free ebook and learn about their workbook/audio program by visiting www.youthsportspsychology.com.
4 Tips to Help Young Athletes Follow Through on Goals
1.Let Kids Set Their Own Goals
Start by asking open-ended questions like, “What do you want to achieve in your sport?” This empowers kids to take ownership of their athletic journey. When goals come from within, they’re more likely to stay motivated and follow through on goals.
2.Focus on Small, Achievable Milestones
Avoid placing too much pressure on long-term achievements like “making the team.” Instead, help your child set short-term goals, such as improving free-throw accuracy or defensive skills. Reaching small goals builds confidence and makes it easier to follow through on goals step by step.
3.Support Without Pushing
Be a teammate in the process—drive them to practices, cheer them on, and offer encouragement. But don’t confuse your ambitions with theirs. Kids are more likely to follow through on goals when they feel supported, not pressured.
4.Stay Flexible and Reassess Regularly
Goals should evolve as your child grows and their interests shift. Sit down weekly or monthly to revisit and adjust their goals if needed. Flexibility helps ensure they stay committed and can realistically follow through on goals without feeling overwhelmed.
Related Sports Psychology Articles
- Give Sports Kids Tanglible Goals
- How This Sports Program Helps Kids Excel in Life
- Teach Sports Kids To Focus on What They Can Control
*Subscribe to The Ultimate Sports Parent Podcast
*Subscribe to Peak Performance Sports on Youtube
Download a free sports psychology report to improve your mental game!
Sports Psychology Coaching for Young Athletes
One-on-one mental performance coaching is the fastest and most effective method to improve your athletes’ mental game, boost their performance, and make lasting changes. And as a bonus, parents learn what to say to help young athletes feel confident and thrive in sports. Please call us at 888-742-7225 with your questions.
FAQ: Helping Young Athletes Follow Through on Goals
Q: Why is it important for kids to set their own sports goals?
A: When kids set their own goals, they’re more motivated and invested in achieving them. If parents impose their own dreams, kids may lose interest or feel pressured, making it harder for them to follow through on goals.
Q: At what age should parents begin talking to kids about goals?
A: Once kids start playing competitively—like in tournaments or advanced leagues—it’s a good time to discuss goals. This could be as young as 7 or 8 if they show strong motivation and talent.
Q: What’s the best way to start a conversation about goals with my child?
A: Begin with an open-ended question like, “What is it that you want to do in this sport?” Then help them create a plan with their coach or trainer to reach that goal.
Q: Should we focus on long-term goals like making a high school team or getting a scholarship?
A: It’s better to focus on smaller, short-term goals like improving a specific skill. Long-term goals can create pressure. Kids are more likely to follow through on goals when they feel confident and not overwhelmed.
Q: How can parents support their kids in following through on goals without adding pressure?
A: Parents can show support by driving kids to practice, encouraging them during setbacks, and checking in regularly to help modify goals. It’s also important to separate your own dreams from your child’s goals.
Kids Sports Psychology expert Patrick Cohn, Ph.D. has helped athletes for over 35 years to enhance their performance. Dr. Cohn earned a master’s degree in sports psychology from CSUF and a Ph.D. from the University of Virginia, specializing in Applied Sports Psychology. Today, he is the president and founder of Peak Performance Sports, LLC in Orlando, Florida.