When Coaches Focus Too Much on Winning

What Happens When You Focus on Winning

Summary: Many youth sports parents struggle with the fact that coaches focus too much on winning, often at the expense of young athletes’ confidence and personal growth. When winning becomes the priority, kids who are less skilled may get left out, and those who do play may feel intense pressure to succeed. This can lead to fear of failure and reduced enjoyment of the game.

Genma Holmes, a parent to three athletes aged 15-20, says one of her biggest youth sports psychology challenges over the years has been dealing with coaches who are so focused on winning that they undermine young athletes’ confidence.

Genma’s 16-year-old son was part of an upper-level team of football players whose coaches insisted on big wins, she says. Even though her son was one of the young athletes who got lots of playing time, Genma didn’t like the fact that less talented kids often didn’t get to play. She wanted coaches to concentrate on confidence building in sports. She also thought the coaches should focus more on learning life skills–and less on winning.

“As my sports kids got into the ages of 9, 10 and 11, the emphasis was just on winning, but not on the game of life. As a sports parent, I wanted my son to learn about team work and not just being the star,” she says.

In this situation, how can parents apply some sports psychology?

Genma had the right idea. When she decided to give the coach feedback, she always did it when her son and other players were not present. And she chose to talk to the coach when he wasn’t busy coaching. She was always as positive and supportive as possible while she gave her constructive criticism.

In addition to talking to the youth coach in this situation, sports parents can help their young athletes focus on the process, not on the product–the score or win. If kids focus too much on winning, they often feel expectations that can undermine their confidence in youth sports. They begin to pressure themselves. This is a common sports psychology challenge. When the pressure sets in, young athletes often start worrying about failing–which is just what Genma’s son did.

“The game is all about pressure now. I say, ‘Relax. We’re going to cheer you on no matter what you do. Whatever happens, you’re still our hero.’ We saw what happened to him after being in that program. That is his mindset now–pressure.”

The pressure has turned into fear of failure, which isn’t a confidence builder and makes sports less fun for her son.

When sports parents see their kids worry about failing, they need to focus on confidence building. They should gently try to understand what their kids fear. Help them replace their negative worries about failing with positive statements. Remember: They need to feel positive to be confident.

As sports parents, you can help them by focusing on their positive qualities as much as possible. And make sure that your expectations do not pressure your child into feeling afraid to fail.

Lisa Cohn and Dr. Patrick Cohn are co-founders of The Ultimate Sports Parent. Pick up their free ebook, “Ten Tips to Improve Confidence and Success in Young Athletes” by visiting www.youthsportspsychology.com

4 Tips for When Coaches Focus Too Much on Winning

1. Speak to Coaches Privately and Respectfully

When coaches focus too much on winning, it can negatively impact team morale and confidence. If you have concerns, talk to the coach privately, away from your child and their teammates. Choose a time when the coach isn’t busy and keep the conversation positive and constructive.

2. Emphasize Life Skills Over Trophies

If coaches focus too much on winning, balance it out at home by reminding your child that teamwork, effort, and sportsmanship matter more than the score. Use sports as a way to teach values like perseverance and humility—not just how to win games.

3. Help Kids Manage Fear of Failure

When coaches focus too much on winning, it can create pressure that leads to fear of failure. Help your child by identifying what they’re worried about and replacing negative thoughts with encouraging, confidence-boosting messages like, “You’re still our hero no matter what.”

4. Reinforce Confidence, Not Results

Shift your child’s focus from performance outcomes to effort and improvement. If coaches focus too much on winning, parents can balance this by praising progress, attitude, and resilience, not just goals or points scored.

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Related Sports Psychology Articles

• Do Your Players Protect the Lead When Winning?
• Helping Kids Choose Sports
• Leave Coaching your Athletes to the Coach

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Sports Psychology Coaching for Young Athletes

One-on-one mental performance coaching is the fastest and most effective method to improve your athletes’ mental game, boost their performance, and make lasting changes. And as a bonus, parents learn what to say to help young athletes feel confident and thrive in sports. Please call us at 888-742-7225 with your questions.

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FAQ: When Coaches Focus Too Much on Winning

Q: What’s the problem with coaches focusing too much on winning?
A: When coaches prioritize winning over development, it can harm young athletes’ confidence, limit playing time for less skilled kids, and increase pressure that leads to fear of failure. This approach can take the fun out of sports and reduce long-term motivation.

Q: How can this affect my child emotionally?
A: Kids may start to believe their self-worth is tied to performance. This pressure often creates anxiety, fear of making mistakes, and reduced enjoyment of the game. It can also damage self-confidence, especially after losses or poor performances.

Q: What should parents do if they see this happening?
A: Parents can address it respectfully by speaking to the coach privately, when players are not around, and offering constructive feedback. It’s also important for parents to reinforce that effort, teamwork, and learning matter more than just the score.

Q: How can I help my child deal with fear of failure?
A: Focus on building confidence by reminding them of their strengths, encouraging positive self-talk, and making sure your expectations don’t add to the pressure. Let them know they are supported no matter the outcome.